Epiphany

Yesterday I ran across a poem by Ntozake Shange. For all who don't know, she's the playwright who wrote "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf". We may all simply know it as the movie called "For Colored Girls" directed by Tyler Perry. This particular poem was read/acted/whatever you call it by the Lady in Green. I dont necessarily know what it is called..... lets just say its called "Alla My Stuff". Anyway, It really made me think about some things.....

This past summer, no this past year, has been really crazy and it has been one of the best times in my life, even though I may not have seen it like that at the time. My life had gotten to a point where there was so much going on, I seemed to had lost myself in the midst of it. I forgot all about self worth and how I should be treated as a woman. Back to the poem.... The poem has a refrain (a line or group of lines repeated through a poem) and in the poem it repeats "somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff". Basically, the lady in green had gotten so caught up in this man that she had forgotten her worth and forgot who she was as a person. When he left, it felt like he took her very soul with him. Then she comes to this realization towards the end... she's worth way more than he's bringing to the table and he cant even begin to handle the woman she is at full force. He couldn't handle her when she was at her weakest point, so why the hell would he deserve her at her best. I watched the monologue on YouTube and read the poem a few times... then I realized this is ME. Its talking to me!

I had gotten so caught up in one person that it literally felt like they were my reason for living...they had consumed my life, sad to say but its true *shrugs*. It took the person giving me the harshest reality check I had ever had in my life for me to realize what had taken place... "Somebody almost walked off with all of my stuff". But before I got to that point I had to hit rock bottom first. I had to get to a point where I didn't recognize myself, a point where all there was left to do was pray and hope that God would help me find me again. After a small amount of time, which felt like FOREVER, and assistance from a friend : ) , I came baaack to life... baaack to reality (*singing*). So now I'm at this point in life where I am completely happy and content with the person I am becoming, because I am no where NEAR complete. I am learning about myself more each day and growing into the type of woman I can be proud of. No one will ever be able to walk away with "MY STUFF" again.

I stole this from another blog but I believe this is the moral of the story... I couldn't have said it better myself "The thing is, you are the person you are. People can only do so much to you; beyond that, you can always reclaim yourself, you can try yet again to be the person you always dreamt of being. You are the sum of your intentions more than you can ever be the sum of your actions. So, I believe, it's never too late to try again to be that wonderful person you are so capable of being."

But anyway rada rada rada and all of that good female empowerment stuff... Here's the poem if you care to read it... Its a little southern so there's a lot of broken English in it, im sure thats every bit of how the author intended it...

somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
not my poems or a dance i gave up in the street
but somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff
like a kleptomaniac workin hard & forgettin while stealin
this is mine
this aint yr stuff
now why don't you put me back & let me hang out in my own self
somebody almost walked off wit alla my stuff
& didn't care enuf to send a note home sayin
i was late for my solo conversation
or two sizes to small for my own tacky skirts
what can anybody do wit somethin of no value on a open market
did you getta dime for my things
hey man
where are you goin wid alla my stuff
this is a woman’s trip & i need my stuff to ohh & ahh abt
daddy I gotta mainline number from my own shit
now wontchu put me back& let me play this duet
wit this silver ring in my nose
honest to god
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff
& i didnt bring anythin but the kick & sway of it
the perfect ass for my man & none of it is theirs
this is mine
ntozake 'her own things'
that's my name
now give me my stuff
i see ya hidin my laugh
& how i sit wif my legs open sometimes
to give my crotch some sunlight
& there goes my love my toes my chewed up finger nails
niggah
wif the curls in yr hair
mr. louisiana hot link
i want my stuff back
my rhytums & my voice
open my mouth
& let me talk ya outta
throwin my shit in the sewar
is some delicate leg & whimsical kiss
gotta have to give to my choice
without you runnin off wit alla my shit
now you cant have me less i give me away
& i waz doin all that
til ya run off on a good thing
who is this you left me wit
some simple bitch widda bad attitude
i wants my things
i want my arm wit the hot iron scar
& my leg wit the flea bite
i want my calloused feet & quik language back in my mouth
fried plantains
pineapple pear juice
sun-ra & joseph & jules
i want my own things
how i lived them
& give me my memories
how i waz when i waz there
you cant have them or do nothin wit them
stealin my shit from me
dont make it yrs
makes it stolen
somebody almost run off wit alla my stuff
& i waz standin there
lookin at myself
the whole time
& it waznt a spirit took my stuff
waz a man whose ego walked round like Rodan's shadow
waz a man faster n my innocence
waz a lover
i made too much room for
almost run off wit alla my stuff
& i didnt know i'd give it up so quik
& the one runnin wit it
don't know he got it
& i'm shoutin this is mine
& he dont know he got it
my stuff is the anonymous ripped off treasure of the year
did you know somebody almost got away wit me
me in a plastic bag under their arm
me danglin on a string of personal carelessness
i'm spattered wit mud & city rain
& no i didnt get a chance to take a douche
hey man
this is not your perogative
i gotta have me in my pocket
to get round like a good woman shd
& make the poem in the pot or the chicken in the dance
what i got to do
i gotta get my stuff to do it to
why dont ya find yr own things
& leave this package of me for my destiny
what ya got to get from me
i'll give it to ya
yeh
i'll give it to ya
round 5:00 in the winter
when the sky is blue-red
& Dew City is gettin pressed
if it's really my stuff
ya gotta give it to me
if ya really want it
i'm the only one
can handle it

From the choreopoem For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf by Ntozake Shange ("En-toh-zaa-kay Shong-ey")


...Thanks for reading : )

Phylicia Rashad

My iconic figure since I was a little girl, aside from my mother of course. I can't wait to grow old and be as graceful and gorgeous as her. I feel as if people stop in mid-sentence and stare in awe as her presence graces the room. A true goddess... Phylicia Rashad

I'm not a staaaaaaaar...

Hi... my name is Kevorey and I am an a__hole. lol. Well Im not necessarily an a__hole I just have a__hole tendencies occasionally.

First things first, what's mine is mine... I don't share, never had to, never have, and never will. I just don't. As you all can see Im simply overprotective.

Second, sometimes I forget to be tactful in the things I say... I say what I mean and I mean what I say. If I try and sugar coat things I never get my point across (trust me, I've tried PLENTY of times). Sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear. Im just a really blunt person.

Lastly, I get what I want (a majority of the time) and if I don't... I kick and pout and scream and fight until I do. Im not spoiled... just VERY well taken care of.

I feel like I just had to say that. That is all.

I found myself near the ocean...

One night I took a life changing trip to the ocean with some of my closest friends. It may not have been as life changing or as significant to them but as I walked along the ocean and watched the tide roll in, there seemed to be no end. It was then I realized how small I was and how small my existence was compared to this enormous thing I found myself marveling.

Its so calming, the sound of the ocean waves as they crash into one another, the glimmer the light of the moon reflected on the ocean, the feel of the sand sifting between my toes as I walked along the shore. It is there, at that moment, that my faith and reassurance in God and his power sprouted. Who else could make something so large, so beautiful, so full of life.... only Him. I said a little prayer thanking Him for the things small and large that he does for me on a daily basis.

It is here where I found myself in Him...

The Hardest Toll to Pay

About 2 days ago, I got word that my granddad [my dad's dad] has lymphatic cancer or something along those lines and that he is also having kidney failure and other complications. So my dad and one of his sisters left Atlanta this morning for Charleston, SC to go see him. Well while talking to my mom she told me that the doctors have told my father that he is not going to make it and all they can do is give him medicine to help with the pain. Now when I was talking to my mom, she told me that my dad cried about it and that he is having a hard time coming to terms with it but he'll be okay. The fact that my granddad is dying hasn't hit me yet but the fact that my dad was crying killed me. Its something about a man crying that tears me apart on the inside. The fact that its my father rips me to pieces inside-out. I guess its because men are supposed to be strong and sturdy and emotionless. In my mind, it must take alot to get him to that point. But I've said all this to say, be strong daddy!. I love you!.

Taylor Swift vs. Kanye West

So I know I may be a tad late on this one but I just got word that the whole Taylor Swift and Kanye thing at the MTV awards [whatever award show it was] was Taylor Swift's initiation into the Iluminati (sp?.). I refuse to believe this. lol. Little, sweet, innocent Taylor Swift could not be in the Iluminati (sp again?.). What do u think?...

.Lesson Learned.

I promise all of these aren't gonna be about guys. This is just heavy on my mind right now. Through recent observation, I've found it quite hilarious that a guy can think he has u wrapped around his finger and right when it starts to unravel(sp?.) the story unfolds... DUM DUM DUUUUUUUM. So there's this guy, I definitely think he is master player of all players.



I've never met anyone that can seem so genuine and sincere when in actuality, everything coming from their lips is a lie. So I've had the pleasure of counteracting with this guy [and I say its a pleasure because you learn so much from people like this]. And i have come to realize he is extremely smart and tactful. Not only is he book smart, but he knows how to manipulate a situation to go his way and when it turns on him... he's two steps ahead of the game and already knows what to say next.



He doesn't know this but I call him the modern-day Odysseus. Here's why: If you've never read the Odessy. Definitely look into that, its a great story. Anywho, Odysseus is a greek ruler who go through lots of troubles in his life. He's so great that NO ONE can beat him at anything... He can outthink, outsmart, and outhustle anyone. Not only is Odysseus wise, he is physically blessed also. He is the ULTIMATE gentleman, knows how to treat everyone, he's world-wide renown(sp?.), and he's just so great he can have his cake and eat it too. Anyway, during the story Odysseus gets into alot of tight situations where you would think there is no way out [in our modern-day terms... he stuck his foot in his mouth]. But he somehow manipulates the thoughts of all of the people who has come his way. He does it so well that u cannot tell if his statements are sincere or if he's just pulling your leg. He's somewhat studied how people think and has worked his way on everyone's good side... Even his enemies.



So back to my modern-day Odysseus, he is everything I just described and maaaybe a little more. But in this time with him I have also been observing him. I am only observing him because I like people like this. I like to see how they work and think. I would like to think like them. As I spend more and more time with this person, I see myself becoming just as manipulative as he is... [I still haven't decided whether I like that or not... maybe it'll be helpful in some situations]. I can't really end this story because it hasnt ended yet, the cookie hasnt crumbled, and the fat lady hasnt sang. BUT when it does, I'll be sure to let u know how it all turns out.